Probably what people always say is correct. being in a relationship, the start is always the sweetest and it goes downhill as the years passes one by one.. it's not that I am not listening, it's jus that the answer given doesn't seem to be correct. I haven't changed, I have been like always the a lot of questions person.. but probably patience is running out, my questions became a nuisance.
How I wished I have someone to talk to now.. someone who could listen and understand what is in my mind. But this hour, and the limited friends, sadly, I have to turn to blogging ranting how I feel..
Is it so hard to listen? Probably yes.. I dunno.. or is it me, who has become a pest who nags and drills in to people. Problem I shouldn't care and ask so much... which is a scary part of a relationship. When one doesn't care or ask or nag, it means that the person have given up hope.. have I? I dunno.. I love him, probably my method was wrong.. tied to hard causing both sides to be stranded and tired.. I feel tired.. tired of the nights we hang up sadly, tired of the mind games, tired of the guessing, tired of crying over the night, tired of lies, tired of worrying over financially, our stability etc. When must I be worried when it doesn't seem to affect u.
Trust, something I have to work on but really I don't know how to start.. too much incidences in the past making me v lost as well.. someone, please guide me.. its a torture not to trust someone. I couldn't even meet the basic of a relationship, so how would I know how to love someone.
I wish love was a fairy tale which ends with a happily ever after.. All I wanted are truths, us being stable and just love me whole heartedly.. is it so difficult?
Talking seems to be a barrier for me.. and I always suck at it. I speak my mind, rarely beat around the bush. A pro, but also a killer character.
I feel the ache. Will we be blissful ? What will turn out to be in future. 2 years already cannot take my nag and questions le.. what about 20 years down the road. I think far, it's not about me v good about linking which u always felt I am doing this. Don't we see the same direction?
Forgiving is something very hard to do, I think I did it a lot of times. But this should not be taken for granted. I felt taken for granted at times.. I always tell ppl, cherish before it is gone.. I cherish by forgiving. but after the forgiving, was I cherish? I hope I was.. but even it is not is also I choose this path de..
The hurt brought could be forgotten one by one.. but it requires time. You say why am I always the innocent party.. but what have I done to make myself not an innocent party.. even if I am not at fault, I apologise so as to keep the relationship moving.. is my bad to spoil u..
I just wish someone could listen and understand.. Nights to myself..
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